I've got used to hear the echo of my steps, lonely down the street. No more fear of the dark. Do not look back to the shadows of the past. I do not need to wait around the corner. Bag up my stuffs, umbrella and a house key. I have my heels and my luck. However, in no hurry. The rush has caused me to walk very slowly when I really wanted to go fast. And this current lull, everything flies.

I've got used to the heat of my body on cold nights, as well as my cold feet on hot mornings. I like waking up in my company, sometimes nocturnal, solitude. The night,it's always been mysterious, magical, revealing.

I've got used to my commitments to my duties, all uncompromising, stacked. Fighting, and my ghosts surrounding me, laughing, worthless fight.

I've got used to myself. To my impulses. To my subtlety. At my routine insane. When my well being selfish. My my whole world. To my mirror image. In my day in, day out.

And now, I'm used to you, You came, as nonchalantly, in a cold lonely night, I still wonder how! WE!.. maybe I was waiting for you.

His eyes see through my soul... Strange, I still can't remember his face!

My eyes can't see him, my heart feels.

We are simply opposite. Judge me weak and I think insensitive in its extreme sensitivity.

There are few who understand me. Maybe none.

I'm nature.

When you're around, I feel like a child, tumbling, stammering, losing my mind... With the aroma in the air. With the sun on your face. The touch of your skin. Tickles.

I don't wanna get used to it.

A perfect picture...

I learned...

I learned ...

I learned that I can not make someone love me, only to become someone you can love the rest and depend on others.

I learned that as much as I worry for others, many of them will not care about me.

I learned that what really counts in life are not things I have around but the people I have around.

I learned that it may take years to build trust and only seconds to destroy it.

I learned that the most important is not what happens to me but what I do about it.

I learned that there are things I can do in a moment that causes pain throughout life.

I learned that it is important to practice to become the person I want to be.

I learned that it is much easier to react than to think ... and think that react more satisfying.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with the loving words, could be the last time I see them.

I learned that I can go much further than I thought possible.

I learned that I am responsible for what I do, whatever I feel.

I learned that, either to control my attitude or they'll control me.

I learned that learning to forgive takes practice.

I learned that no matter how good the good friends be, sooner or later I'm going to feel sorry about them.

I learned it is not always enough to be forgiven by others, sometimes I have to forgive myself.

I learned that friends can do anything, or do nothing, and have the best of times.

I learned that just because someone does not love me the way I wanted, does not mean that I love your way.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with the experiences I've had and what I learned from them throughout the number of years completed.

''bull$#!+''

Sometimes it surprises me that demonstrate ingenuity in a world that even knowing that there is no solution, try to fix, try to be better.

....fortunately many people are still keeping the hope of making this world a better place for our future children (lol), look around and you see lots of support and encouragement "go go ... you go right" (damn hypocrites)!

... as are all going to screw it to the street someone has to raise his voice to be listened to, like Archimedes shouting to modern reflection of a window that gives me back a distorted image of myself, "give me a fulcrum and I will move the world"...move the world?!

...as I intend to move the world if I can not make those who are enthusiastic about my words move even an inch?

we hope to solve the problems, but we are unable to lift a finger, we are comfortably leveraged security offered to us and do not want to risk anything, we feel fortunate to be born in a privileged family and turn the light away when there is news we do not want to hear, not want our consciousness takes over and forces us to fight for a cause that neither us nor will we come (seriously believe that not going with us)... then they give to all!!

Someday you will realize that nobody is going to give anything away, that if we want something we have to fight for it, that equal opportunity is not a privilege, a right that we are here tomorrow we can be in the furthermore, and then we would like someone to do something...

but alas they will be too late to rectify.

Sometimes I feel embarrassed.

For the last few months I'm trying to write but could not find the right words or the correct way to express myself,wondered why...until today!

I finally realized what was happening to me!!

what made me so inarticulate...

It's when something you dreamt of but never thought could happen in your life starts taking place in your story...

Your very own ''Fairytale''

I always lived in a world full of colors,my imagination, creation, lonely drift of mind-flow...

I can say that my favorite colors are white,black and purple, but I met a color he gave me...

color of happiness....color of love.... hope....

So fulgent ...it dazzled out everything else....

dunno what color it is...indubitably unseen before...

now only thing I see is....

A Dream

and...

we don't stop dreaming do we? :)

It takes time...

It takes time..

to learn the difference between the hand and a helping soul

to learn that love does not always mean support, and that company does not always mean security.

Begin to learn that relationships are not contracts, or gifts, or promises.

You will begin to accept your defeats with your head up,

and look forward, with the grace of a child and not with the sadness of an adult and learn to build all your roads today

because tomorrow is uncertain terms for projects and future has a habit of falling into emptiness.

After a while you learn that the sun burns if you expose yourself too much..

Accept even once good people could ever hurt and need forgiveness..

Learn that with the same severity with which you judge, you will also be tried and eventually ordered.

You will learn that talking can ease the pains of the soul,can heal the wounds once seemed so incurable.

You'll find that it takes years to build trust and only seconds to destroy it and you will be able to defiance the contingency that end up with things you regret for the rest of your life.

You'll learn how to combat with your desires..

Learn that we have to change friends if we are willing to accept that friends change.

Begin to learn that we should not compare with others, except when we want to imitate them to improve ourselves..

Learn that no matter where you came from but you are going , where you don't know,any place serving you needs..

sometimes destined..

Ineluctable situations we have face,to decide our own fate..

How to destroy our nemesis..

You learn that patience requires practice...

Mature has more to do with what you've learned from the years lived.

You'll learn that when you feel anger, you are entitled to have it, but that does not give you the right to be cruel.

You'll find that just because someone does not love you the way you want, does not mean that you have to cease loving them

Because there are people who love us, but do not know how to show...

Because they need you...

It is not always enough to be forgiven by someone, sometimes you must learn to forgive yourself...

You'll learn that time is not something you can go back, therefore you must cultivate your own garden and decorate your soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

Then and only then can you really know what is your forte,

you are strong and can go much farther than when you thought

could not be more.

Life really worth more when you value

Deal with it.

Good-'ol-Evil !!

A university professor challenged his students with this question:

"God created everything that exists?

One student answered:

- Yes, he did.

- God created everything, I ask the teacher again.

- Yes, sir, "replied the young man.

The professor said ...

- "If God created everything, then God made evil, since evil exists." And according to the principal that our works are a reflection of ourselves, then "God is evil."

The student was silent before such a response.

And Professor happily boasted that he had proven once more that faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said:

- I can ask a question, professor?.

Of course, replied the professor.

The young man stood up and asked:

- "Professor, does cold exist?

- What kind of question is that? Of course there is, do you never been cold?.

The boy replied:

- "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, as we consider cold is in fact the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body have or transmit energy. Absolute zero is the total absence of heat, all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction, but the cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have heat. "

- And, does darkness exist? Student continued.

He replied:

- Of course.

The student replied:

- Again you're wrong, Lord, the darkness does not exist. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. The light can be studied, darkness does not even exist Newton's prism to break white light into various colors in which it is composed, with their different wavelengths. Darkness does not. A simple ray of light tears the darkness and illuminates the surface where the beam ends. How do you know how dark a certain space? Based on the amount of light present in that space, is not it?. Darkness is the term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present. "

Finally, the young man asked the professor:

- Sir, does evil exist?.

He replied:

- Of course there is, as mentioned earlier, we see violations, crimes and violence around the world, those things are evil.

To this the student replied:

- Evil does not exist, sir, or at least not by itself. Evil is simply the absence of God, is, like the previous cases a word that man has created to describe the absence of God.

God did not create evil. It is like faith or love that exist just as heat and light.

Evil is the result that humanity does not have God present in their hearts. It's like the cold when there is no heat or the darkness where no light.

The teacher then, after nodding, remained silent ...

The young man called ALBERT EINSTEIN!

p.s.- Courtesy internet.

To Jacob...

Hope you won't get me wrong.Perhaps I know you won't,you never did,even when I was on the edge of my insanity and stupidity,

you know me too well.

Don't know any other way to tell you this.

Don't know if I am doing the right thing.

Just know that I need to tell you what I am thinking,what's going on....

That day when we first started to hang around,

I don't doubt,I felt you were one of my angels who relieved me from the pain that I was going through.Your friendship,your presence was indeed a blessing to me.

Still it is...

That night was the most painful night of my life that I decided to forget about Edward.To throw away my love for him,though I knew it was kind of impossible and impossible it was.

I was unable to sleep due to this enormous pain within my heart that seemed to bear a tons of pressure by an unknown force,maybe it was the force of true love that was hitting the walls of my will.You know,I never though ''I'' will have to feel this,never.

It was hard to breath,to eat,to talk,to laugh,even to pretend to be happy for your loved ones.I was just like a dead girl,like a zombie,

dead yet alive.

I cried every single night.My tears were unstoppable,even in the classroom,though visible to only my friend P......

I cried while listening to any romantic song,remembering my failure to hold him forever,by remembering the never forgetting promises.His memories haunted me like a shadow.

There were many nights my friends,my other angels,spent consoling me,making fruitless effort to stop my tears.I cried,in hope that someday my eyes will run out of it.But it didn't.Perhaps the wound left in my heart was too hard to heal without some ones help.

Now,I know it was waiting for some care,love,responsible friendship,that it once craved from someone,but in vain....

And now,tell me what should I do?

This heart is getting addicted to you,Jacob.

Hoping to be with you in each moment,eager to share every incident that occurs in this life and it has started to expect (i know it shouldn't ) the same from you,and if some day you don't....what if....

I don't even want to think of that.

I wan't you to know that, you are the perfect guy a girl can ever wish for.I am not your worth.Not at all.You are too good for me.

Yet you gave me the place of a special friend in your life.You can't imagine how lucky I consider myself and am so much honored.And I promise we will remain best friends forever.I'll be there for you,no matter what happens.

But,you see...

you are giving me that shelter that I wished for.And my sinner side has started to claim for that place.Which I know I don't deserve.

Or do I?

The thing is that I don't want you to be unhappy for me or for anything ever.

I want you to have everything best in your life.

But in my life you are the best.

So,it's kind of hard for me to think of anything else,I just can't.

Even if Edward returns.I know he won't.Perhaps he wasn't the true Edward at all.Not everything of life resemble a story,right?

Sigh!!....so much to tell....but so much I shouldn't....not here,like this.

Sometimes, life is so much complicated, no?

In the end,just wan't to tell you that,

the much you care about me,the more care sprouts within me for you,

the more you bear my nonsense,the more you become precious to me.

And the more I fear I'll lose you.

Perhaps that's the reason for our fights,

my fear to be dead again...

I am sorry for every blatant words I've ever spoke to you,for often hurting you.

And the best I can do right now is to just give you the friendship that you deserve.

I know I freak out really easily,and unreasonably,to much undeserving.

But I promise yet another thing to you,

I will be the best.

Bella